PWD's

So at first when I was reading the blogs of the DOC, I wondered why it was so important to some people to be called a PWD (person with diabetes) rather than a diabetic. I mean, I have diabetes, I don't really care if people call me diabetic to describe that I do in fact have this disease. But now over these past few months I've noticed how I've become a conversation topic. Usually by my mom. I've started getting very frustrated when I hear her talking about me and my diabetes to other people who have no need to know about me, period. Diabetes or not. Those are the times that I want to scream, "I AM NOT A DAMN DIABETIC!!! I am a person with diabetes!" Because when those people leave, they don't know that I love to sing, or that I occasionally draw, or that I graduated high school with an Associates degree, or that I love watching Korean dramas, or that I want to own a cake shop. They leave knowing nothing more than that I am a diabetic. And really, they don't care, because they'll just get to go home and eat their food without checking their blood, and counting carbs and injecting insulin. All it was was an interesting conversation about poor so-and-so's daughter who has diabetes and how terrible it must be. Oh and could you please pass the cake? If people want to talk to me about diabetes, great. But I hate just being the diabetic conversation piece.

Not much going on...

     Not a whole lot going on lately. I mean...it's not like I'm gonna go to the doctor's office and she's gonna say, "Surprise! You don't have diabetes anymore!" I wish, but I know it's not happening. One thing that's kind of random that I've noticed, I have a friend who always flinches and says 'ow' or 'yeesh!' or something like that whenever I test my blood or give myself a shot with the pen. And I really don't like it. Because first off, it doesn't hurt that bad, and second...I don't know... just because I don't like it. I guess it's like, "do you know how much worse this would suck if I acted like that? And you're not even the one gettin' stabbed!"
Obviously this isn't a big deal. It's just a small diabetes related pet peeve I've discovered.

So, I'm annoyed that I missed diabetes art day. I'm actually still planning on doing a few peices that I've had bouncing around inside my head. I'll get to them...someday.

Also, today I've started an eggsperiment.
Eggs always seem like a good thing to eat because they're like 1 carb each and two of them is enough to feel like I actually have something in my stomach. I like scrambled eggs, fried eggs, boiled eggs are tolerable. But today, as I was making a couple fried eggs, I opened the cupboard to get out salt and pepper when I noticed the other neglected-looking spices. So I grabbed a bottle of cinnamon and patted out a dash or two over my eggs.
The result? A nice hint of...difference. I didn't add a lot, so it wasn't overpowering, but there were bites that just had a subtle mmmmm in the taste. I also salted and peppered them like normal. The smell from the cinnamon eggs made me think of holidays, but since I didn't add any sugar the taste of the eggs when finished was, like I said, different. And nice.

So now I'm on a quest to try out as many new spices on eggs as possible and find the best ones.

Yay for cake!

My family has decided to have a once a week dessert night. That way, we get a real treat, and then lay off the sugar the rest of the time. Last night it was my turn to choose. I thought about lemon squares, or maybe a pie. But this time...it had to be cake. Not just any cake either. That scandalous chocolate cake, drizzled with carmel and topped with whipped cream and toffee candy.  It was AWESOME. I still got a bit high, like I said, still figuring dose size.

Anyway, I discovered this morning that sneaking a bit of cake is a lot more difficult when you have to decide before hand how much you are going to eat, and then inject for it. But still, soooooo worth it.

And with that, I'm off to banish myself to green bean land. TTFN!

Yo matey, you just stabbed me with your pen.

This is what I think of each time I use my insulin pens.

The Man Who Knew Too Little video

The line happens in the first few 30 seconds of so, so no reason to finish the clip. Unless you really want to I guess.

So I've been gettin' a bit high recently...   Fine tuning bolus dosage. Fun stuff. When my blood sugar is down I don't even need my glasses, but the last two days have been a bit blurry.  I really love that I haven't been needing my glasses. My vision could be better, but it's nice to know that most of my eye problems were being caused by high blood sugar.

First time bolus and Fairy Godmother!

So today was the first time I did an insulin shot before I ate. For the last week or so I've been on a basal 5 unit dose. As well as a low carb diet. My numbers are down from the 550 that I started at, but still not in the normal range, and I am so ready to get it under control! Huzzah! I'm a bit nervous. First I think, "What if I didn't do enough?" and then I think, "What if I did too much?" and so I'm pondering how I feel, and anticipating when I will check my glucose levels.

Anyway. I never thought I would be glad to learn how to jab myself with a needle and shoot myself with insulin. But really, this low carb thing has been......not terrific. Ok, to be honest, it wasn't that bad, and I think I could probably keep it up if I ever need to, but I am so sick of salad. Most salad I really like, it's just that when you only eat salad like 3 meals in a row......bleh. And I know that a 'Low Carb Diet' does not mean eating only salad, it's just that that was always closest and least time consuming. We're still getting our meal planning under control. XD Something that's kinda lame is that we had found some lower carb, cocoa coated almonds, that really are quite good. I took them to the amusement park with me the day after I was diagnosed. I really liked them that day, but after that, they really went downhill. It's like I eat them and my stomach says, "Cocoa Almonds? Diabetes candy." I can't get past the mental block. I associate them too much with the shock of finding out I'm diabetic.

The other thing I wanted to talk about is my.....huh, I really don't know what her real title is......Nurse Practitioner? Her name is Lucinda, which makes me think of the Fairy Godmother Lucinda from the book, Ella Enchanted.

 Awesome book, stupid movie. In the book, Lucinda is a troublesome fairy, but my Lucinda is awesome!!! She had me cracking up! She was so funny and a wealth of knowledge! A very happy wealth of knowledge! It was terrific. She laughed so hard at the things I had written in my blood glucose log (i.e. "well this sucks and I feel like a pin cushion"). And the other lady, Andrea, that I talked to was so nice too! Sometimes in my family circles everyone just wants to tell horror stories about JackBobbyJoe and his son Paco whose distant cousin's cat's son's owner had diabetes and blah blah blah. It was really great to have this two cheerful ladies. Andrea is also a T1. It really made me look forward to my next visits knowing that these two would be the ones I would be seeing. :)

Tanisha the guru!

Well, she may not be a guru, but it sure is nice to know someone who has done this before. She was diagnosed when she was 19 and has been keeping an eye on me. I thought I would share her humorous message to me:


I wanted to welcome you to the world of diabetes, type 1. I have some good news and some bad news...The good news: unlike type 2 diabetes, your diet doesn't need to control your life. Eating less sugar and carbs isn't going to make your pancreas start working again. Sorry. But, this means that you can still eat like you normally would. Eat a snow cone with syrup on it! Go at it!! You'll need to take insulin with it to make sure that your body gets to use the sugar instead of chilling in your bloodstream, but a sense of normality should remain about your life. You'll just need to start checking your blood sugar before you eat anything and before bedtime to adjust for your broken pancreas. But it had a good run, right? Don't be angry with it. It still does many other things, so try to reassure it so it doesn't get a complex.
Now, for the bad news...most people don't know the difference between type one and type two diabetes. This means that you may get harassed about having a nice ice cream cone on a hot summer day. They are wrong of course. Unfortunately most people don't understand that your condition can't be controlled by diet and exercise. Can we blame them? Yes, we can! I take a firm stand that others should become knowledgeable prior to judgment...but that's just me. Of course, if someone does decide to reprimand you, take that opportunity to educate them. You don't have the same problem as their Aunt Sally who is 57 years old and weighs 450 lbs.

My main point is that one sure way to become overwhelmed with your new diagnosis is thinking that you need to change everything! You'll just have to monitor your body more than others do. Of course, I'm not saying that you should go on an all pizza diet and eat 20 candy bars a day. It's common sense to eat a healthy diet regardless of any health concerns, but don't think that you can't have sugar and now have a ton of restrictions. It'll take some adjusting and getting to know the Caitlin inside *literally inside*. You'll learn how much stress increases your sugar, how being sick also increases your sugar and all the special nuances.

I hope you've been reading up on the new you! =) I just got a bit concerned about what you'd been told and were thinking about your condition when I saw your post about the no syrup in the snow cone. There's no need to deprive.

I hope your doing well and would like to be kept up to date on your treatment and how your doing if you don't mind. I also was wondering if you're going to come up to the Diabetes Specialty Center at some point?

Diabetics...Unite!!!


And the message I sent back:


Thanks for your concern. :) With the snow cone, it was because it was only the day after I had been diagnosed and my numbers were still really high. Yeah, a few people have been confused about the type one versus type two. My grandparents recorded like an hour and a half long lecture about diabetes that they saw on TV. And of course they wanted me to sit down and watch it, but only a little ways through it became pretty obvious that the guy was only talking about type 2, and so I was saved from finishing the rest of it. But hey, it had some good info.

I gotta tell ya, every now and then I've scowled and jabbed at my guts and said, "Pancreas! >:P " So it cracked me up to have you tell me not to be angry with it.

On Monday is the first time I will be meeting with a diabetes specialist and he'll teach me all the do's and don'ts of sugars and carbs and insulin, because right now I'm just on a really low dose once a day. We also haven't seen the final results from my blood tests. Apparently one test made it look like type one, but another test looked like type two. So who knows?

Well...

So there I was...
Grandma's house for a pleasant visit. Nice, right? But then... "I'm so thirsty... all the time." I complained aloud. My aunt looked up at me from her studying. "Are you drinking a lot?" "Yes." "Are you peeing a lot?" "Yes." ...............and then......... "Are you diabetic?" to which I of course replied, "No."
      But she still took off to fetch something from her room. I was afraid I was going to have to pee on a strip or something. But what I got was a swift prick to the finger, a small drop of blood, and a blood glucose reading that said "HIGH". The meter measures up to 500. Which is bad.
     A few hours later I left the doctor's office with prescriptions and slightly less blood than when I had entered.


So here I am, a sugary sweet cupcake queen, waiting to find out if I have type one or type two diabetes. Considering my person, and my lifestyle, we think type one, but so far the tests have given evidence that could go either way. But no matter what, it will be a change, and I will be fine. I am determined to be just fine.